Fuck You/I’m not Crying

How is it that the music 
takes me back, so perfectly?
I put on a Tori Amos album 
and am instantly transported 
to my youth. Of course it is 
connected to a girl. If nothing 
else, we have the music.

For so long I tried not to lose 
you, cuz, if I were to lose 
you, it would be like unto losing 

God.

Losing a loved one is like 
the loss of God.

Something of a magnitude 
beyond description.

Like when I lost my Father. I 
cannot imagine losing my Mother.

Looking at her little shoes makes 
me cry, in the night.

I have her arms, as crazy as it seems.

I noticed one day, looking at her arms.

I was thinking how strong she is, 
then, wow, she has my arms! Or, I have 

Hers. 

I have held it together, with every other 
loss.

The loss of my Mother is something I 
think about because I think about death a lot.

I think that thoughts of death lead to enlightenment.

I almost died, very young.

It changed me.

I was always different. I just became more 
and more different as time went on.

It’s okay.

I now have a poetry website and I write 
every day.

And I give no fucks.

I found my self and my self was throwing up 
a middle finger.

***
Cipher 
Poems
***

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